Monday, December 20, 2010

Nope...not today...

5:15pm...been home for a little more than an hour now. Productive day pretty much. Although I didn't find the good news I was hoping for at Mac's. HOWEVER!!!...I received the following email while I was driving down Hwy #5 en route to WalMart then to Mac's:

Secret Scrolls Newsletter Logo

A Secret Scrolls message from Rhonda Byrne
Creator of The Secret and The Power 

To celebrate the end of the year, and to guarantee that 2011 is your absolute best year yet, this Secret Scrolls contains one of the life-changing revelations from the book The Power, and one of the most powerful processes you can do in your life.
Whether you realize it or not, you bring everything to you through the power of your imagination. The power of imagination is not something you have to acquire; you have it already! You think in images even if you aren't aware that you do, and you use imagination or imaging every single day of your life. When you think about the past you are imagining. When you think about the future you are imagining. And as you imagine and concentrate on anything with feeling, you are bringing it to you.
When you worry about something, you are using your immense power of imagination negatively. You are imagining the worst, and as you imagine the worst, you are bringing it to you. When you are excited about something, you are using your power of imagination positively. You are imagining the best, and as you imagine the best, you are bringing it to you.
Using the power of your imagination is something that comes to you naturally, but I want you to understand something about your imagination that will change your life: Whatever you can imagine already exists! You simply can't imagine anything unless it exists already, because when you imagine something you are actually tuning into a particular frequency, and if that frequency didn't exist in the Universe you wouldn't be able to tune into it. So when you imagine yourself with something you want you are tuning into a real thing that already exists, and you are looking at the very frequency of you with your desire!
Now I am going to take you step by step through a revolutionary process using your imagination from the book The Power.
First, imagine something that you really want. It could be money, health, a particular job, a partner, a vacation, happiness, or anything else. Imagine yourself with your desire; close your eyes and really get the picture of yourself with your desire.
Pay special attention to what you see about yourself in your imagined picture. Notice how you are talking. Notice how you are moving. Notice how you are walking. Notice how you are acting. Notice how you are feeling. Look at everything about yourself in your imagined picture, but in particular, notice how happy you are! Capture every detail that you can, and open your eyes.
Understand that the picture you just imagined of yourself with your desire exists already! You know it exists because if it didn't exist how could you tune into it? How could you see it in your imagination? When you imagined yourself, you were looking at the actual real version of you with your desire!
Can you see the difference between yourself right now and your imagined picture of yourself? Because your job is to become as much like the version of yourself in the picture as you can! Walk like that now. Talk like that now. Act like that now. Feel the same as that, now. Become as happy as that person, now. Be that person, now! When you become the person in your imagined picture you have shifted yourself to the frequency of your desire, and it must and will appear. Your imagination is showing you precisely the person you need to become. It is showing you what you look like and how to act and feel so that you can copy it and become that person!
To help you become more and more like the person in your imagination, practice closing your eyes and seeing yourself in the imagined picture with your desire as many times as you want. Seeing the imagined picture of yourself will continuously remind you how you need to be, feel, and act. Then come out of your imagination and go about your day doing your best to act and feel like that person, now. You will be amazed at how little copying it takes before you see the evidence that your desire is coming.
This is one of the most powerful processes you can ever do to make your desires appear with lightning speed. This process is based on the physics of the Universe. Use it! Practice it! You have The Power to your life; every force in the Universe will do anything for you, but you have to use The Power that you have!
 
Happy Christmas, Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year, and may joy be with you in every moment,
 
And here I sit...trying to put into effect everything above - AND everything I've known for too long. "Fake it til you make it" mentality. The key for me now is to stop confusing the universe with my negative doubts and 'allow' my dream to find me and settle in.
 
Going to go and sit quietly right now for a few moments before Steph gets home.
 
Actually...I'm not going to go anywhere...I'm just going to turn off the light and sit right here.
 
(5:24)...saying over and over again: "I am a winner of the lottery...I am a winner of the lottery..."
And remembering what Kavita at Mac's said today, "It's coming...eventually" and "You gotta believe, right?"
So true, so true...and...I DO!!!
 
(5:29) - Steph phoned, just leaving T.O. now. Bry texted us wondering if we wanted Leaf tix for tonight's game. See...things are taking a turn already!!! (But no thanks B)
 
I'm going to let it go at that for now. Planning on putting more time into this exercise over the next few days while I'm preparing for what will come to be known as "The Best Christmas Ever!"
 
Thank You
xo2
(5:39)

Monday the 20th...5 Days Til Santa Comes

Just got off the phone with the car lease company. I avoided making the call on Friday because I was afraid of what was going to be said but Debra informs me that my car isn't actually due until February the 5th!!!??? I doubt it but it did put a little optimism in my mind! Thank You.

So!...today is the day I'm to go to Mac's and discover I did in fact win the lottery over the weekend. Today is the day...
Today is the day...
Today is the day...

And, unfortunately I find myself suffering the oh so familiar pangs of doubt that have crept in on this exact day for all the years I've indulged along this journey. In cleaning up my many emails on Saturday, transferring the varied quotes I've collected over the past few months, the following hit me in the forehead like a 2x4...

"Dreams come true. Without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them.” -John Updike

And as I look to the corner of my screen I think back to exactly one year ago today, although it was actually the Sunday, when I was forced to reveal my deep dark secret to my wife.
That was probably the WORST day of my life.
...and here I am, having lived through it, still blessed to have my wife beside me. Thank You.

God how I would love to be able to share the exact opposite of that news with my wife tonight when she gets home from work. How ironic would THAT be!??? (Seriously, that's the kind of stuff reserved for the fine minds of Hollywood needing a happy ending to their 90 minute tale.)

When I began this blog on Saturday I was envisioning heading into the lottery center tomorrow to sit patiently while my facts were checked. Today is already busy enough - too busy actually which is why I will need to keep this entry short.

But I will go by Mac's in a couple of hours and see if the intention I put forth the other day did in fact make its way out into the cosmos and have the opportunity to find me in its return.

Miracles DO happen.
And dreams DO come true.
The timeline may not be what is wished upon, but will be discovered as the 'perfect' time in hindsight.

Thank You
xo2

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Toooooo Funny...

(10:54)...just viewed this new blog and, sure enough, the original post IS there.

Of course I read into this as "the possibility and reality of my dream HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE and it was just my responsibility to believe in it and get out of it's way!

Again...thank-You.

xo2

WOW! That was interesting...

It is now 10:50am and I have been sitting here in awe and panic thinking I lost the previous letter before posting it! Apparently I saved it to Drafts (let that be a lesson to you!) and then found myself looking up 'wondering' if it was all just meant to get out of my head and into the hands of the Creator of Dreams.

...I'm thinking so.

...and thank-You.

More tomorrow.

Exactly One Week Til Santa Comes...

It's almost 10am on Saturday, December the 18th and, although I've been thinking about this for far too long, I'm going to throw my "wish" out into the world of web-dom in hope it finds the necessary momentum to make its way back to me and my family.

One year ago, and it will be a year exactly tomorrow, I had to confess to my wife of just over a year that I was so far in debt (without her knowledge) I had no option other than bankruptcy. I kept it from her the whole time we were dating...through our engagement...and I even stood up on an altar in front of almost 200 of our family and friends and LIED right to her face in the face of God. Crazy eh? Who the hell did I think I was to put a woman who sacrificed her future in order to provide me with one!??? I just read an entry I wrote in my daytimer last year, on this exact Saturday as I was leaving for work, and my wife told me our wedding day was the best day of her life. I remember driving down the highway after that tear-filled conversation feeling totally unworthy of her love and deserving of a fatal car crash. The crash didn't happer but I die a little more inside each and every time we have to deal with my infidelity of trust and love.

I should explain why I allowed myself to get into such dire financial circumstances.

I believed I could "will" myself to win a lottery.

Yes...you read that right. I believed I could "will" myself to win a lottery. I have been working towards that goal (if you can call it that) for close to fifteen years and I still cannot give up on the dream because I want to share my story with the world - in an attempt to explain what NOT to do!
But, in my heart of hearts, and even to this very day, I DO BELIEVE I AM GOING TO WIN A LOTTERY and thus get my wife and I out of our present financial constraints.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not looking to retire at the age of 42 and never work again while living the life of Riley travelling the world and abusing prosperity. I know WHEN it finally happens will only be the beginning of sharing my story of heartache and hope. So that is why, for whatever reason this very morning, I find myself unabashedly writing out my wish for the cosmos to hear and bring back to me with the help of angels and the power of my sub-conscious thoughts. It is said thoughts that brought me to this journey and yet it is my inner-critic who bullies them at every turn forcing them to stay away to avoid further ridicule and abuse.

Well...no longer. I can't. There is no time left to hope for the "someday" possibility. I have believed all the 'great' thinkers in their suggestions like "Whether you think you can or you can't, you're absolutely right" (Henry Ford) and "God doesn't bring you to it if you can't get through it" (not sure), but it's time to find my Christmas Miracle.

I have to stop being afraid of the power I have within me to create an impossibility. At some point almost everything was viewed impossible until it was accomplished. But to bring things back to present reality...

My car lease is coming due on January the 6th and I have NO money in which to get a new - used one. I was hoping to borrow funds against my life insurance policy but my bankruptcy agent just advised against it for a multitude of reasons. I've been waiting on her response all week and just found her email from last Tuesday this morning when I was cleaning out my inbox. In essence, I'm screwed and have no alternative to get enough money in my hands in the next two weeks.

I put my wife through hell a couple nights ago when I disguised my disgust for my persistent financial situation with a story of being fed up with school and the possibility of employment upon graduation in April. Sure, I was rundown and had a touch of the flu, but I was childish in not admitting my worries and then retiring upstairs to cry myself to sleep like a little baby.

And I'm not going to tell her about the email I found this morning until after the weekend. She doesn't need the added stress of the season AND I am pleading to the powers that be to find my wish and bring it home to me. Everyone I told about said dream last year upon admitting the bankruptcy reality was in disbelief at my utter belief. And I understand that. I truly do.

BUT!...there is a reason I have stayed true to my desire and it will all make sense WHEN my number-s are called.

SO!...moving on from the past and into the future...WHAT DO I WANT???

I want to win the lottery. "In a perfect world", I would find out about my dream coming true this coming Monday, December the 20th and therefore be able to share the delight with family and friends on Christmas day. How ironic would it be that exactly one year to the day I told my wife I had been lying to her and was in debt over my head, I realize the dream that put me there!!!???

Again...my dream and wish is to win the lottery this weekend and make Christmas 2010 the turning point in a long and arduous journey. I will share both the proceeds and the particulars of a mostly lonely process in hopes of helping others realize their potential from within.

My challenge is going to be warding of that damn inner-critic who will become louder as the feelings of euphoria rise to reach the frequency necessary to guide my wish back to my reality. It's been a long time coming - far too long - but "Everything happens for a reason" and I will understand that more and more as this plays out.

I found this in the hundreds of emails this morning too:

"You have a calling which exists only for you and which only you can fulfill."
- Dr. Naomi Stephan

This is defintiely mine. This is the extended version of the first leg of this part of my journey.

I am the winner of the lottery this weekend.
I am the winner of the lottery this weekend.
I am the winner of the lottery this weekend.
I am the winner of the lottery this weekend.
I am the winner of the lottery this weekend.

And now I will continue with what will be a beautiful weekend in anticipation of my realizing a dream I will not let go away.

And I think it's funny that I will hit Publish Post at 10:44am.
...but that's another story for later.
7:43:00 AMby My Christmas Miracle Wish...

Exactly One Week Til Santa Comes

It's almost 10am on Saturday, December the 18th and, although I've been thinking about this for far too long, I'm going to throw my "wish" out into the world of web-dom in hope it finds the necessary momentum to make its way back to me and my family.

One year ago, and it will be a year exactly tomorrow, I had to confess to my wife of just over a year that I was so far in debt (without her knowledge) I had no option other than bankruptcy. I kept it from her the whole time we were dating...through our engagement...and I even stood up on an altar in front of almost 200 of our family and friends and LIED right to her face in the face of God. Crazy eh? Who the hell did I think I was to put a woman who sacrificed her future in order to provide me with one!??? I just read an entry I wrote in my daytimer last year, on this exact Saturday as I was leaving for work, and my wife told me our wedding day was the best day of her life. I remember driving down the highway after that tear-filled conversation feeling totally unworthy of her love and deserving of a fatal car crash. The crash didn't happer but I die a little more inside each and every time we have to deal with my infidelity of trust and love.

I should explain why I allowed myself to get into such dire financial circumstances.

I believed I could "will" myself to win a lottery.

Yes...you read that right. I believed I could "will" myself to win a lottery. I have been working towards that goal (if you can call it that) for close to fifteen years and I still cannot give up on the dream because I want to share my story with the world - in an attempt to explain what NOT to do!
But, in my heart of hearts, and even to this very day, I DO BELIEVE I AM GOING TO WIN A LOTTERY and thus get my wife and I out of our present financial constraints.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not looking to retire at the age of 42 and never work again while living the life of Riley travelling the world and abusing prosperity. I know WHEN it finally happens will only be the beginning of sharing my story of heartache and hope. So that is why, for whatever reason this very morning, I find myself unabashedly writing out my wish for the cosmos to hear and bring back to me with the help of angels and the power of my sub-conscious thoughts. It is said thoughts that brought me to this journey and yet it is my inner-critic who bullies them at every turn forcing them to stay away to avoid further ridicule and abuse.

Well...no longer. I can't. There is no time left to hope for the "someday" possibility. I have believed all the 'great' thinkers in their suggestions like "Whether you think you can or you can't, you're absolutely right" (Henry Ford) and "God doesn't bring you to it if you can't get through it" (not sure), but it's time to find my Christmas Miracle.

I have to stop being afraid of the power I have within me to create an impossibility. At some point almost everything was viewed impossible until it was accomplished. But to bring things back to present reality...

My car lease is coming due on January the 6th and I have NO money in which to get a new - used one. I was hoping to borrow funds against my life insurance policy but my bankruptcy agent just advised against it for a multitude of reasons. I've been waiting on her response all week and just found her email from last Tuesday this morning when I was cleaning out my inbox. In essence, I'm screwed and have no alternative to get enough money in my hands in the next two weeks.

I put my wife through hell a couple nights ago when I disguised my disgust for my persistent financial situation with a story of being fed up with school and the possibility of employment upon graduation in April. Sure, I was rundown and had a touch of the flu, but I was childish in not admitting my worries and then retiring upstairs to cry myself to sleep like a little baby.

And I'm not going to tell her about the email I found this morning until after the weekend. She doesn't need the added stress of the season AND I am pleading to the powers that be to find my wish and bring it home to me. Everyone I told about said dream last year upon admitting the bankruptcy reality was in disbelief at my utter belief. And I understand that. I truly do.

BUT!...there is a reason I have stayed true to my desire and it will all make sense WHEN my number-s are called.

SO!...moving on from the past and into the future...WHAT DO I WANT???

I want to win the lottery. "In a perfect world", I would find out about my dream coming true this coming Monday, December the 20th and therefore be able to share the delight with family and friends on Christmas day. How ironic would it be that exactly one year to the day I told my wife I had been lying to her and was in debt over my head, I realize the dream that put me there!!!???

Again...my dream and wish is to win the lottery this weekend and make Christmas 2010 the turning point in a long and arduous journey. I will share both the proceeds and the particulars of a mostly lonely process in hopes of helping others realize their potential from within.

My challenge is going to be warding of that damn inner-critic who will become louder as the feelings of euphoria rise to reach the frequency necessary to guide my wish back to my reality. It's been a long time coming - far too long - but "Everything happens for a reason" and I will understand that more and more as this plays out.

I found this in the hundreds of emails this morning too:

"You have a calling which exists only for you and which only you can fulfill."
- Dr. Naomi Stephan

This is defintiely mine. This is the extended version of the first leg of this part of my journey.

I am the winner of the lottery this weekend.
I am the winner of the lottery this weekend.
I am the winner of the lottery this weekend.
I am the winner of the lottery this weekend.
I am the winner of the lottery this weekend.

And now I will continue with what will be a beautiful weekend in anticipation of my realizing a dream I will not let go away.

And I think it's funny that I will hit Publish Post at 10:44am.
...but that's another story for later.